'That most plastic and moldable of earths'

"If I am second in the world, it is because so many matches are played on the non-traditional and decadent surface of grass," said Nadal, who sipped upon a post-prandial cup of hot brandied clay in an effort to mask his anger at the mention of what he considers to be a lesser surface. "What is grass but a regrettable parasite upon the pure and pristine clay? And playing well upon clay, upon the very stuff of life, upon the breast of the Earth itself…that is not a trick. That is the very deepest alluvial layer of tennis itself."

Nadal then concluded the dinner by offering his guests homemade iced-clay sundaes.

The Onion explains Rafael Nadal’s special relationship with clay.