Saturday, August 19, 2006

My adventures in fitness

Have spent much of the week working on a fitness-related story – can’t disclose details until it’s published, but it’s supposed to be smart-aleckish (what else would anyone ask me to write?), experiential and in the first person. This has meant doing many unusual things such as meeting a "laughter club" and taking a brief yoga class that ended with yours truly being guffawed at by many people who have supposedly achieved a higher level of tranquility and acceptance.

One may soon also have to visit an Akhara (mud pit where sweaty loincloth-clad men wrestle and twirl batons).

Notes:

I’ve gained new respect for film stars, even the ones like Bipasha and John. Posing for professional photographs, often in very odd positions, is freaking difficult! So far I’ve raised one leg daintily in the air like a Ziegfield Follies chorus girl (at a “dancercise” session) and tried to hold complicated “Yogilitis” poses for several seconds at a stretch. (No, I don’t know if any of these pics will eventually be used, but the photographer was asked to get a few shots of me since it goes with the personal angle.)

Have also – ahem – recorded my first ever nude photo shoot, courtesy an unanticipated intrusion by the photographer during a body massage at a spa. I won’t pretend it wasn’t awkward, but well, after a point one focuses on the texture of the warm oils and forgets about the flashing bulbs and the giggles. Besides, there’s no way the more explicit photos can be used in a family publication. (Of course, mother and girlfriend were horrified at the news and made wailing banshee noises. “But the scene demanded it!” I protested. “What am I supposed to wear in a massage parlour, a burkha?”)

Gyms are populated by beefy, thick-skinned but strangely charming young trainers who resemble the Deol boys in muscle structure as well as in their shy smiles. Never having had the occasion to reflect on what a terrible, pointless thing this world is, they always look very joyous, even when consuming protein-rich drinks. They call each other “bro” and often slap their hands together. Surprisingly, it’s all quite infectious – during the gym league of this story I found myself grinning stupidly and exchanging meaningless grunts of pleasure with whoever happened to pass by. I’ve never been so unqualifiedly happy at a book launch or discussion. What could this mean?

(Will put up some of the more interesting photos here sometime, though not the naked ones.)

17 comments:

  1. "...there’s no way the more explicit photos can be used in a family publication."

    Ah mate, that's where the internet comes in.

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  2. As Amit Varma said when the model slip ups happened a few months back, the human body is a beautiful thing (or some thing like that).

    Can't wait for the pictures to be leaked.

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  3. Tease! Show us.

    Girlfriend? You break my heart.

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  4. Jai Bajrang Bali!
    Reading your blog is a Treat.Hilarious as ever!

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  5. er--that's 'yogalates'. yoga + pilates.

    which makes me suspect that you attended an artistic yoga class, yes?

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  6. Space Bar: no, these guys spell it yogalitis for some reason.

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  7. Ah... there's a book I look forward to reading... except of course, if it has nude photos of you! :P

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  8. hey where are the pictures? nice write up. enjoyed it a lot.

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  9. Do you realise that if you do put those pictures online, one a day, your traffic will go through the roof and people will be begging you for links? This is immense...

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  10. thick skinned literally or figuratively??

    ... gym trainers 've got them figures, but usually not with much literary ability ;-)

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  11. Jabberwock, not only are you smart-alecky, you are a very brave smart-aleck.

    The bar has truly been raised. This could only be topped by blogger porn.

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  12. Hmmm...seeking out the company of "sweaty loincloth-clad men", feeling infectiously happy in the presence of "beefy but strangely charming young trainers", spa visits, actively comparing yourself to a Ziegfield Follies chorus girl. You don't seriously expect us to believe the 'girlfriend' bit, do you?

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  13. I’ve never been so unqualifiedly happy at a book launch or discussion. What could this mean?

    It's the endorphins, laddie. Addictive they are.

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  14. u mention naked pics and then u say ur not putting them up? dont u know the internet has a whole database of embarrasing naked pics of everyone anyway?
    be nice now and provide us with some entertainment

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  15. You cannot do this!! A post like this demands pictures!!!!Cmon..

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  16. ah yes. i forgot. pik-chars! we want pik-chars!

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  17. Hilarious! Wish the post were longer. "Yogalitis"? Sounds like a quick way to get spondylitis (or spondylosis? I never know which is which)
    Also, what price falling fast asleep during Shavasana? I did that!

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