Sunday, December 18, 2005

In today’s funny papers: flirting with stupidity

If I started quoting all the moronic things I read in newspapers, I wouldn’t have time for anything else (including reading newspapers). But this one really deserves to be shared. The good people of Delhi Times, bless their collective soul, have a story headlined “If you are a flirt, read on…” in today’s edition. This is a collection of Tips for Flirting, and my favourite is this one:
Imply that you’re a stud
Use sexual innuendo to indirectly convey this message. For example, suppose you're at your place making a drink for a woman and she says, "Wow, you're good at that." Look at her square in the eye and say, "I'm good at a lot of things." She'll get the hint that you're a stud.

And then there’s the bit that advises the guy to say “Do you always receive, or do you like to give at times too?” when he’s bringing his female guest a cup of tea.

Around this point I was starting to wonder if anyone at Delhi Times ever gets laid. But then I found a nice little subtext to all this. I was searching for the article on the TOI website and while nothing showed up in the “search this website” section, when I searched “Web” I found this piece on a site called AskMen.com. And well, ho-hum, yes, the DT article has picked up six of the 10 tips on this page and reproduced them more or less verbatim. The only notable change is that “Spain” has been replaced by “Delhi” in one sentence:
If you find out a woman is from Delhi, you can say to her, “Hmm…you know what they say about women from Delhi, don’t you?” She will get the hint.

And no, I’m not jumping onto the plagiarism soapbox again. But I have to say I was disappointed that these gems of wisdom didn’t come from someone working in our own venereal, sorry venerable, city supplement. Still, here’s the introduction to the printed piece, which presumably is original:
Did you know that talking about sex with a woman can actually turn her on? However, if not done the right way, a man can end up coming across as “creepy”, or even worse, get beaten up.
Quite.

29 comments:

  1. LOL! Have you read the howlers in Cosmo? If u see a guy u like in the gym, stroke his ego by saying stuff like, I love yr flat abs...can u show me how to work those out too?
    EEEWWW!
    Besides, since when was there any method to the madness that's Delhi Times! And if u think it doesnt get worse than that...read Bombay Times!

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  2. Did you know that talking about sex with a woman can actually turn her on?

    Er.
    ....
    I mean...

    *splutters*

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  3. They left out the clincher... you just to walk up to a woman and begin with - "Helloo...Im Ferrnannddo"... always results in a 'you had me at ferrnannddo' response.

    I see Delhi & Bombay times made the list. I'd like to take the oppurtunity and add Hyderabad Times to that. Any more?

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  4. Bangalore Times.
    The whole article had a, I don't know, somewhat "foreign" touch, so I was surprised about the delhi part.

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  5. aiyyyoooooooo :))

    aaah so this is the "non-creepy" method of talking with women :D

    my heart goes out to the people who read these things and follows these tips.

    ***
    seriously cant help wondering why it isnt original
    1.no time or less pay
    2.this kind of inspiration is better
    3.editor doesnt have confidence in originality
    4.many may not find out
    5.even if found out, no one would care.

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  6. Am hiding Delhi Times from my teenage son--he just might get slapped if he follows that stuff, in all good faith! Yuck!

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  8. you know the sad part is that these kids who learn to sms before they begin to babble, will read it and play it out at one of those malls or other 'cool' hangouts, and probably *score*(courtesy mutual naivete) and pass on the wisdom to their friends, and in other news, monalisa is 83% happy according to 'scientists'.(refer to bizarre section)

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  9. Btw, what do they say abt women from Delhi..i mean, Spain? :)

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  10. Jabberwock, you saved me just in time .... I was almost about to use these tips on all the women I know. (Heh heh!!)

    Phew! What a close shave - and I wonder if a close shave (literally) turns women on. What say the ladies?

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  11. as lennon & co once sang: speaking words of wisdom, let it be ...

    hilarious ... what won't people do for a living!!!

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  12. :-). I can't get over the substitution of Delhi for Spain. I mean the rest of it is moronic enough, but. Echoing Raj, what do people say about women from Delhi? Nothing good, in my experience. Certainly nothing like they say about women from Spain. Plus which if you're reading the Delhi Times and presumably live in Delhi then I'm not sure how the fact that she's from Delhi is a conversation starter.

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  13. You know what they say about women from Delhi?

    They like their earrings from Janpath. And they like their choley oily. Hmmm..

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  14. Those lines sound like the corny lines from a run of the mills romance novels(if you can call them that).

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  15. And what exactly do they say about women from Spain? Funny how California takes all the hotness quotient out of Spanish-speakers. Ghar ki murghi daal barabar.

    Also, I don't think there is much of a fascination for European women in California. Men of my acquaintance are far likelier to say "you know what they say about Asian women, don't you?" (Asian being East and South-east Asian)

    Women from anywhere in India are not even a blimp on the radar.

    Hmm...Janpath earrings and oily chhole, where did that come from?

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  16. Just thinking of a few hooks
    "california gurls are the greatest in the world"
    "Down South in New Orleans, prettiest girls I've ever seen"

    etc


    Now if only it was
    "Karol Bagh Gurls are the greatest in the world"
    &
    "Down South in Nizamuddin, Prettiest girls I've ever seen!"

    Maybe you could suggest it to the blokes at the Times FM thingy? - They could sing the appropriate covers.
    Regards,
    Hagxz
    (since that's the word verification id)

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  17. Goddamm...if only I had known this during my bachelor days.

    I tried this "pickup" line on my wife yesterday----you know what they say about Delhi girls (she is from Delhi)

    She thought I was going to insult her or something !

    (My word verification was behena)

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  18. Mobius: No, a careless stubble is always sexier.

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  19. There is a reason my roommate said she dint like TOI coming home.. may be this was it..? A tip backfired..:)

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  20. Around this point I was starting to wonder if anyone at Delhi Times ever gets laid.
    LOL! Too good! That's the right question to ask!

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  21. Jabberwock: this has some similar stuff.

    But meantime, excuse me, I'm off to try implying that I'm a stud.

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  22. thalassa_mikra said...
    Women from anywhere in India are not even a blimp on the radar.

    All that oily chole, you think, Neha?

    :)

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  23. Flabbergastation. Totally.

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  24. Though I agree with the foolishness of some of the articles of DT, the same is true of all other city supplements. Compared to the vacuousness of the TV channels, print medium is far more reliable any day. But I am wondering why only one publication is targeted all the time? Why not HT, why not Indian Express, why not Business Standard? Is it because TOI can’t be ignored and the rest are the sick old men of journalism? Despite all the flaks from its own media fraternity, TOI is a juggernaut that can’t be stopped and rising inexorably, winning subscribers by lakhs ahead of the competition, including bloggers like you and me. The reality is we all read TOI and DT. Jai just proves it. Very curious.

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  25. BTW wasnt DT (or rather the times group) doing this copying/pasting bit since *years*? I remember reading exactly the same text in a number of "newsletters" and Delhi times, both..that too over a period of years..

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  26. Hi Jai,

    Good reading. Though I wonder about the boys and girls at DT..trading innuendoes with the comforts of makeshift couches and cramped closets :)

    On a different note, I know you are aware about James Berardinelli - the movie critic. I also follow his reviews closely before and after watching the movie.

    I want you to read these two reviews.

    This is the link to Mr. Berardinelli's review of 'Changing lanes'. (http://movie-reviews.colossus.net/movies/c/changing_lanes.html)

    The second one is the review of our desi 'Taxi No. 9211' by a supposedly hotshot bollywood reviewer Taran Adarsh that appeared in Sify.com.
    (http://sify.com/movies/bollywood/review.php?id=14148489&ctid=5&cid=242)

    Is this a case of 'internalizing'-am sorry Kavya :)- another person's writing, that whole lines have being ripped off.

    Is this due to intellectual constipation of our venerable reviewers or just plain laziness. Either ways it does question the credibility of those in the writing business, though I dont want blanket criticize everyone, from now on I shall be reading Mr. Adarsh wondering where he picked it from :)

    I enjoy your writings, though I may find issues with some of your opinions..which is but natural.

    Rahul

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  27. What man? Shooting fish in a barrel with a sawn-off shotgun? ;)
    -Amit

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