Monday, March 14, 2005

‘America’s paedophilic childhood’

So terrified am I by what’s happened to Mediaah.blogspot that I’ve decided henceforth to avoid mentioning names when I bitch about Big Media. So I’ll say only that a certain well-known film critic in a certain leading daily has, after a certain plagiarism expose, taken to writing her own original thoughts on movies – which has only made things much worse. In her Million Dollar Baby review, for instance, she referred to Clint Eastwood’s previous film Mystic River as "a trip through America’s traumatic, paedophilic childhood".

During our bloggers’ meet at the Park, Amit Varma and I pored carefully over this sentence and concluded that it meant the founding fathers of the US of A were child molesters. Visions of a leering Thomas Jefferson, an innocent cherub perched atop his lap, leapt into our collective minds. Of course, if America’s great early statesmen were in fact paedophiles, it would (warning: kneejerk anti-Americanism coming up) explain a lot about the state of affairs in that country today. So was that line in the review really insightful social commentary masquerading as terrible film writing? No one knows, not even the reviewer herself.


  1. Like most white Virginian gentlemen of the time, Jefferson was "into black" and produced several pickanninies in conjunction with a matronly lady of colour.

    Franklin wrote an extremely explicit piece in praise of older women where he dwelt lovingly on details such as whether hair down there goes gray quicker than hair on the head.

    Paine was into scat, guillotines and floggings vide his comments on the Terror.

    None of the US' FF were interested in kids sexually, as far as I can figure out, and you must note that it wasn't such a big deal to screw anybody past the age of puberty circa 1775.

    But then you wouldn't expect a certain film critic to know her "down there" from her elbow when it comes to history (or grammar or anything else)!

    Incidentally if you want religious sanction for paedophilia, the good lawmaker Manu has a stern admonition starting with "bhrunhatya" is "paap". This is an unambiguous order that women should be impregnated the instant they start menstruating. (Don't tell the hindutva idiots this! Someday they might put it into their election manifestos).

    Off to troll the malls for jailbait!
    Tata (DD)

  2. DD, you are brilliant. I can literally feel my brain expanding each time I read one of your comments. I know you disapprove of blogging, but it's high time you started - seriously!

    And fare ye well at the malls.