Recipe for a breakdown

Having just come off an hour on the road, I believe I have the procedure to induce a nervous breakdown in an average Delhi driver. It’s very simple and should help improve the traffic situation in the city.

1) Take one Average Delhi Driver - you’ll get these on the roads but some of them can be found in houses when they’re not driving. (At such times they look and behave like normal human beings, which is deceptive.)

2) Place driver in a car - pay attention now, for this is the key - that has had its horn disabled!!!

3) Instruct him to drive this disabled car from starting point A to a specified point B. For best results the distance between points A and B should be at least 2 km. This experiment doesn’t have to be conducted during rush hour but it shouldn’t be 3 AM either - that would be cheating.

4) Meet car at point B. Keep help handy, for you’ll probably have to extricate the poor man from the car yourself. He’ll be incoherent, frothing perhaps. His hands will be making reflexive horn-blowing gestures. Pour cold water on him (this doesn’t help in any way, but it’s fun).

If the above process is repeated with a significant enough number of Average Delhi Drivers, the roadworks department will be able to cut down on the flyovers and divert resources to building madh...sorry, institutions for the mentally disadvantaged. Then we’ll all have to walk, but at least we’ll be happy, safe and fit.